a man came into my job and told me to smile even though i was wearing a mask. here’s a letter to him. enjoy.

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sir,

it was 7:10 am when you and your terribly dressed cronies blatantly ignored the sign on the door that said “no mask, no service” and walked into my coffee shop. when my co-worker asked if any of you had a mask, you said that your face “was your mask.” no one laughed. and if i could have avada kedavra’d your ass for asking if i had a smile for you shortly thereafter: i would’ve.

it would be an insult to serj tankian to say that you look like him, so i won’t. but you know what you and roaches have in common? if you kill one of them, another will take its place. it may be a different size or color or shape, but you’re all equally annoying.

it’s enough that grown ups are crawling from the bottom of garbage cans to protest mask mandates as if they are being fuckin’ enslaved. folks that have never read a case study in their lives consider themselves smarter than scientists and epidemiologists in the aftermath of the covid vaccine rolling out. or stunned that people with vaccines still manage to get sick as if they’ve never gotten a flu shot and you guessed it: got the flu!

i would never want to return to a business where i was treated poorly. shit, i might get my indignant white man on and leave a yelp review if my experience somewhere is especially egregious. there are so many of us working in coffee that love to drink it. but we also love to contribute to starting the day off right for our customers. however, i can say with absolute certainty that i never want to see or serve you or any of your friends again. people like you think that baristas are deserving of your bad attitudes and entitlement because we make coffee. but we are trying to make a living and by doing our job we are helping you survive. so if i tell you to put a fucking mask on in order to get served, you need to get like nike and do that shit.

it’s been nearly two years of this. so at this point: i don’t care if you motherfuckers don’t wanna get vaccinated or wear masks. natural selection may catch up with you and my word, i hope it does. y’all are selfish and disgusting and think that 700,000+ people dying isn’t worth making some fucking adjustments and sacrifices for the greater good. if you want to harass baristas at a small coffee joint because you have to cover that dumpster fire of a mug and flavor saver goatee: stay at home. pretend that moderna, that baby lotion company, and pfizer haven’t given us shit. you want coffee? go through the fucking drive-thru. you want food and coffee? postmates, doordash, and uber are here for you, playa. don’t wanna wear a mask indoors? stay your ass at home and away from me and my barista comrades.

with sincerity and hatred,
bryanna