-
i get by with a little help from my friends
i’ve spent more time than not oscillating between ambivalence and hatred toward my body so accepting it as my home was only a recent decision. it doesn’t need a physical descriptor; it’s not good or bad. it just is (and more). it’s made sharing my body with others easier. fucking a stranger in the backseat…
-
where is my inheritance so i don’t have to work anymore: part 4/x
if someone walks in with a phone in hand and appears out place, i do one of four things: confirm if there’s a food service ticket on the back counter before they inevitably put their phone in my face. ask if they’re looking for einstein’s which is two doors down. point them to our menus…
-
5 things: wrestling
as a kid, i got scolded by a teacher for making dx’s “suck it” motion on the playground. old mattresses were the perfect setting for action-packed stunts and jumps from dining chairs and practicing grapples. the differences between my siblings and i were inconsequential once monday night raw started. wcw who? stone cold was coming…
-
sweater weather or whatever.
the best part about winter to me is my getting to fuck around with gender presentation. i can always fuck around with it, regardless of the weather, but it’s extra special in las vegas. it’s warm somedays while others are oppressively cold and windy. i have found that this shelter cardigan from tradlands aids me…
-
where is my inheritance so i don’t have to work anymore: part 3/x
it should be no surprise to you but — i quit my last job. i figured that if i had fundamental complaints about a work environment after only being there for two months … i needed to cash in on my probationary period and dip. in 2020 there was a cacophony of applause for essential…
-
it’s the holidays? press fast forward.
my mom took me to (who I imagined was) the only black beautician in lakewood. it was raining and i thought of raphael saddiq, crooning, “it never rains in southern california.” i thought he was in for a surprise. it was 2003. 2004, perhaps. i ran inside using my magazines as an umbrella. my mom…
-
the grandpa in me
it’s cold out. seasonal depression has me oscillating between general grumpiness and all-consuming sadness. it’s a struggle for me to do anything as of late, let alone get dressed and leave the house. but i’m trying. i’ve been reaching for my cardigans a lot. while i do have other pieces of outerwear, i get a…
-
panicking at the disco
“you are loved. you are safe. you are cared for,” i say as i toy with the shell charm on my necklace. i wish i got my necklace because it symbolized good fortune. but truthfully, i thought it was cute. i wish i was ok. i wish i weren’t having another panic attack. i had…
-
where is my inheritance so i don’t have to work anymore: part 2/x
there’s this video of future islands performing on david letterman that i’ve watched a few times. their lead singer is sam herring who sings on one of my favorite records in recent memory called “time moves slow.” as an audience member, sam appears unassuming in an all-black ensemble fitting of a server … until he…
Bryanna Beaman
Writer & Digital Creative
Bryanna Beaman 